Children interestingly don't come with training manuals. The act of disciplining children is one of the most important – and hardest – jobs parents have. It's not something we are taught, so most parents "learn on the job" or repeat what their parents did, which may not be effective and for the lucky ones, it may produce the desired results.
Sometimes, do you can feel that your child is uncontrollable? Punish him or her often and get no positive results. That means your strategy of bringing them up is not working. Try using positive discipline techniques which are highly recommended by child development professionals and see the changes in your child’s attitude. Try to cooperate with your child in order to make him get used to the team work that discipline is. These tips may help -
1. Let child know what you expect from him or her;
2. Let your child express different feelings both positive and negative ones;
3. Redirect children to other things when misbehaving;
4. Encourage your child’s small victories;
5. Offer child simple choices;
6. Try to stay reasonable and motivate your child;
7. Make deals;
8. Avoid uncontrollable flash of rage;
9. Check the time of the punishment;
10. Stay patient – children are not adults, don’t make too high expectations.
Punishment is doing something hurtful to someone else because you don't like what he did. This includes social pain, such as taking away unrelated privileges; emotional pain, using verbal assaults and belittling: and physical pain like spanking, or pushing. Discipline is teaching kids principles that they can use to guide their lives. You reap what you sow; and "The Golden Rule": Do unto others what you would have them do unto you; even your child.
When a parent disciplines a child, he usually asks himself/herself, "How do I get this child to behave?" or "How do I get this child to stop?" To stay on the path to true discipline, the parent should ask himself, "What lesson does this child need to learn, and how can I teach it?" This is where parents falter. It's hard to figure out what lessons we want to teach our kids other than "Never do that again!"
Parents have to identify the problem and gain the child's cooperation. To do this, you must mean business, but also show respect to the child. Talk about the problem and finally, evaluate if the lesson was taught. Here's an example: My young son won't go to bed. So, what do I want to teach him? First, that when I say that it's time for bed, it is, because routine is important. Another lesson is that going to sleep at bedtime is important for good health. And the third lesson is that in healthy relationships, people work together, not against each other. So, even though you have set a limit with the bedtime, you still need to work with your child to make him as comfortable as possible. He can play with his little toy, listen to tapes, or imagine that he is a character from a book as he lies in bed.
Parents have such a hard time saying "no" to their kids partly because we don't spend as much time with our children as we think we should, so we feel guilty. When we are with them, we want to be their friend and make them happy. We think that the best way to do this is to say "yes" all the time. We're horribly misguided! And when we feel guilty, we overindulge our kids. This is no gift to children. Kindergarten and first-grade teachers posit that their biggest problem with students is that they won't be quiet when the teachers are talking. This is partly due to parents' overindulging their kids.
Setting limits with kids is another contentious issue. It’s never too late to do this. It's only too late when the child doesn't live with you anymore. To set limits, you must be very committed, you must have the child's best interests at heart, and you must believe wholeheartedly that you're doing the right thing. The mistakes parents make tend to be based on their own personalities. It's very hard to change!
TEN IMPORTANT ISSUES TO CONSIDER BEFORE YOU PUNISH
ü Am I getting even? Will this punishment humiliate or embarrass my child?
ü Am I being consistent?
ü Will I follow through immediately (except when I am angry)?
ü Is this punishment rational and fair?
ü Will this retribution teach my child better decision-making skills?
ü Does this punishment change the misbehaviour?
ü Does this punishment reduce the need for more punishment?
ü Am I getting angry when I punish?
ü Is this punishment part of a plan? Do I use it impulsively?
ü Have I tried positive remedies first?
